In a time called 2020, during the infancy of the Internet Age, Earth inhabitants took refuge in their partitioners and began communicating in the more efficient and archival manner we enjoy today. Rather than using primitive face-to-face interactions in communal places, these pioneers began using "FaceTime," "Facebook," and other post-paleolithic face-name association programs on "smart phones"—communication devices originally developed by a fruit orchard oligarchy for simple messaging that eventually developed into ritualistic prayer talisman necessary for survival during the earliest periods of isolation. This shift in Earthling behavior coincided with a great loss of life, thought by historians to be a massive voluntary human sacrifice. Millions of heroic humans, in an attempt to preserve their new found freedoms via the internet, bravely ventured outside of their receptacles into the "natural world," where they quickly met their demise, presumably, from exposure to a rudimentary form of malware. Today, we celebrate these martyrs and their battle against primitivism on March 20th, an old-world date formally associated with the vernal equinox, or transition from the Earth seasons of winter to spring. Originally labeled "Social Distancing Day," the holiday is now commonly known as Society Day.
