I've been lazy, I know. Not that I have enough people following this blog to justify any blog-related self-loathing, but I do feel a bit guilty. Let me sum things up...
I really enjoyed the holidays, did a little bit of traveling (mostly while delivering paintings), wrapped up my "Top 40" exhibit, hosted a fun little workshop focused on painting from references, got back in the swing of things at school (if you didn't already know, I teach jr. high/high school art), and started in on a lot of new work in the studio.
I've parted ways with a lot of paintings over the past month or so....which is pretty far out. I'm sure every artist will agree that it's great fun selling paintings. I'll never take it for granted, because there was certainly a time when selling a painting was an epic event for me (not that it's not just as exciting now, but because it was once so rare), but I'm still trying to understand the phenomena of art collecting. "Why is it you want one of my paintings again? How do you know who I am? Why did you choose THAT one?" I know what you're thinking... why question it? I can't help myself. Anyhow, for whatever the rhyme or reason...I'm grateful.
2016 has already brought quite a bit of excitement. There are a lot of things I'm really looking forward to...workshops in weird places, cross country painting adventures, etc. I'll save most of that for another time...mostly because it's too much to think about all at once and it gives me a panic attack. But at this very moment, I'm most excited about painting. Let me explain...
For several years, painting was very much like a contest to me....I was always trying to outdo myself, which ultimately means I was trying to "outdo" everyone...a stupid means of motivation that I think most "artists" have to get past. I'm still working on it and probably always will be. Unfortunately, I think the facet of the art world I've established myself in (sort of) is becoming more of a contest for anyone who decides they'd like to pursue representational painting "professionally". Oh, you want to become a successful artist(representational painter)?...study a bunch of painters you know others respect, take many workshops copying the styles of said painters, buy popular art magazines and value all that you think said painters would read, enter contests, promote yourself on social media, enter more contests, win a prize, use prize to further promote yourself on social media, schedule your own workshops, charge way too much money for something nobody needs, discuss your success or dissatisfactions with artist peers, and finally, die hoping someone will think highly of you because you learned how to make a picture and somehow contributed more than most people to this weird world we live in. I'm guilty of several of those things...mostly in an attempt to take advantage of the entire situation and make a buck or two...but really, I am part of the problem. Believe me, I understand how that approach can help a lot of artists(I'm talking about representational painters) reach their goals and better themselves as technicians, but I don't know if we should advertise it as a sure way to create an artist and thereby create true "art" (this is coming from the guy that will likely be promoting his own "art" workshops next month...take it for what it is). More than anything, I think I'm frustrated that the nature of the art world (my part of it, that is) is to judge the worth of an artwork based on the success of the artist, regardless of how much that success is warranted. It seems like everyone is talking about "getting better as a painter" while doing absolutely nothing different, hoping for success to come from a learned ability to produce paintings that closely resemble those of well-known painters. I'm as guilty as the next wannabe, but where's the originality? How are we doing anything better than the oil painting tool on Photoshop? How are we any different than the workers in "art factories", paid by the hour to copy technically beautiful paintings of subjects that are sure to sell. And mind you, I realize that I'm partially a product of a resurgence in the popularity of representational painting, plein air painting, and collecting "fine art", but it's becoming increasingly apparent that being an artist and making art don't have to be related anymore. There are too many means of measuring how "good" we are as artists, and too many artists buying into modern art marketing, trading their own artistic voice for what they believe is a logical path to artistic success and glory. Again, I'm guilty too. I'm sure this isn't anything new, and I could go on and on about what I think I mean when I say that artists don't have to make art anymore, but that sentiment is rearing it's ugly head at me now more than ever. Is it art or not? Does it even matter anyway? Because, I feel like I'm finally starting to produce paintings that I consider, in one small and personal capacity, on a super subjective basis, somewhat artful...to me (again, I could elaborate but it wouldn't get us anywhere). I don't look through my paintings anymore searching for the "best" one. I'm not spending time practicing a technique or forcing myself to work on something of little interest to me in hopes that it makes me more technically proficient. And, probably most importantly, I don't spend much time comparing my work to that of other artists. I'm just trying to get lost in the act of painting...for me...not for recognition, not for some illusion of legacy, not to carry any torch, not even to say anything profound. I'm just painting pictures. And while I might be fooling some of you with what sounds like elitist mumbo jumbo, I don't think "I'm above it all", as those practices are tried and true and by no means "inferior". I'm just saying that, after several years of following that path, I'm trying now to avoid it. And to anyone else, I have no doubt that all of this reflection will seem like a waste, as my pictures certainly don't demand any more attention than those created with less introspection. But again, I'm just painting pictures. And in doing so, I've found that my favorite subjects are quickly becoming sentimental ones. I'm less excited about creating a great painting. I'm more excited about having some sort of emotional experience while creating a painting. I could try to explain that too...but that would be even more trivial and way too much hot air. And remember, all of this should mean nothing to you...it's the nature of the blog for me to say things you probably don't believe nor agree with. But to summarize a weak argument on why I feel like I'm walking a path towards my own artistic high ground (I know, that makes me sound like an ass), what I'm trying to say is, making paintings and trying to be an "artist" means something different to me now. I'm sure I'll be eating my words again sometime in the near future, and years from now I might read this back and laugh about my naivety, but I feel good about where I'm at right now, even though my physical work or ability to vocalize my thoughts about it may be a weak indicator.
I realize it's pretty silly to spend too much time thinking about this sort of stuff. And I understand the pretentiousness of this type of discussion (honestly talking about why you do something one way and not another will always be "smug", won't it?). It's only painting pictures right? In fact, if I don't wrap this up soon, my better judgment will persevere, causing me to delete this post before I can cringe over my own hypocrisy and self indulgence. But if there's anything of value in an introspective blog post about the nature of your own artwork, I guess it would be the reassurance that you're trying to be what you think an artist is for your own reasons, and not absent mindedly. We should all strive to make ART, whatever that means, and continue to question what the word itself means to us, as it's literary definition encourages us to do. Like so many things, I think it's less about knowing the answer and more about searching for it.
The apex of cynicism and egomania as an artist has got to be writing about it. I promise my next post will be more about a picture and less about anything other than that. Goodnight to anyone who's out there.
(I used too many quotations and parentheses.)
